in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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