i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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