there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
