so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
