I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
