I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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