I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
