It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
