peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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