shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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