He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
