youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
