so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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