she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
