Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
