I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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