Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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