i permit you to call me
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
