A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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