Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I need to calm my uterus...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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