I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
