Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
