After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
