Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
farters have to be the big spoon...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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