hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
