I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
NoShamevember. You game?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
