Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
