she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
