My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
