the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
please come you make the beer taste better
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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