I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
