Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
