I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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