You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
