i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
