i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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