I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
