i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
