hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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