I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
