Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
