I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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