I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
