Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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