I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
