he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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