Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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