NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
