we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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