you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
