awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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