Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
