Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
