My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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